Recovering from Muscle and Nerve Pain: Sciatica/Piriformis Syndrome

I usually don't talk so much about my physical problems, but it has unfortunately been a reality that I've had to deal with--and from which I've suffered greatly--most of my adult life. I can't recall the exact year it started, but it was when I was 23 or 24, 2008 or 2009 and has reoccurred anywhere from every few weeks, to every few months, sometimes with longer periods of being relatively pain free. But only for about 4 or 5 months, and sadly that is the exception.

A big part of it is my job (now jobs) which put me in constant danger of restraining. I work with children, and also bartend at night, because I was unable to finish college due to this, as well as several other factors in my life at that time (parental job loss, death in the family, abusive relationship, etc etc) that all occurred roughly around the same time. The saddest thing is that it is due to one class - Algebra 2 - that I need for my English degree. But I have a happy enough life in poverty. It's not so bad. At least when you're not having a particularly bad nerve pain day.

Anyway, I've got quite the routine down to "deal with it" and it helps, so it's always very disheartening when it acts up...yet again...just when I thought it was getting better. This time it's been particularly bad. I bartend for a group of restaurants under the same owner and the one they want me at right now is particularly bad for me. I won't go into details, but it is definitely worse on my body than the other ones. It's been hurting almost constantly for three months now. It will abate, but only for about 4 days, before it gets bad again. I'm beginning to despair. After one last (hopefully) bad flare up, it's starting to really feel better. Knock on wood.

I'm going to try harder this time to keep the pain away. But I already feel like I miss out on so much. I have to avoid so many things I used to love doing. It makes me feel bad and guilty when I have to ask for special allowances or circumstances because of it, because (unless I'm limping badly that day) it is an invisible disability. I'm a burden. At my job, in my home, to my loved ones.

And even through the limp, you can't see how much each step truly hurts. You can't tell that when you stand leaving an amount of space in a walkway that a normal person could scoot through easily, that is hurts me very badly to make that same motion because twisting my hips hurts worse than even walking. It has been a nightmare. But also has helped me cope with some of my own emotional demons. Depression, anxiety, mood swings and emotional sensitivity have all become more manageable. I've gotten better at self care and learned to set boundaries that I didn't when I was younger.

I have to finish getting ready for work. Thank god today is just a short day at the preschool, because tomorrow I work for 12 hours straight, on my feet, with other various movement related activities. I got from the preschool directly to the restaurant bar downtown, with a mere hour to drive home, get ready, then walk downtown. The walking helps when I'm not in an extreme amount of pain, and am able to.