Holiday confections: Moon Drops

A few years ago, my friend brought me something she called, "Luna Balls." Now, being a freak of nature and all, I am not super into sugary, bready sweet things, and only rarely am in the mood for some sweet treats. But I have learned that people get offended when you demure from proffered confectioneries. So I accepted it. And was blown away at how much I enjoyed it. 

Since then I have tried to recreate it, and for this Valentine's Day, I think I have hit the mark. These are fairly "healthy," at least, as healthy as sweets can potentially be! Oatmeal, nuts, coconut oil, honey and almond butter make up the bulk of this wonderful treat, and you can boost the good-for-you quotient by adding some flax, dried fruits, or even chia seeds! 

 This smallish batch makes about 13 TB sized balls (heaping TB by the way) but you can double the recipe for 26. This size is just perfect for me, enough that I can eat a few, and share the rest with good friends.

 Moon Drops      
1/2 cup almond butter  
1/4 cup honey  
3 TB coconut oil 
1/2 cup oatmeal  1/2 cup coconut flakes 
1/4 cup chopped up nuts (walnuts are great) 
1/2 tsp vanilla 
1/2 tsp cinnamon 
1/2 tsp cardamom

optional:
1/4 cup additional items: dried cranberries, chopped dried figs, dates (or really any dried fruit), chocolate chips or cacao nibs for chocolate lovers (you can also dip/roll these in cocoa powder, or just add a few tablespoons of it to the mixture!)

for a healthy boost:
2 TB chia seeds, sesame seeds, or flax seeds

 Small batch makes about 13 TB sized balls (heaping TB by the way) but you can double the recipe for 26. This size is just perfect for me, enough that I can eat a few, and share the rest with good friends. 



Heat the almond butter, honey, and coconut oil in a saucepan on low until melted. Mix until very  well incorporated and then kill the heat. Measure and stir in the remaining ingredients, still stirring vigorously.

Stir till your arm is about to fall off,  and then drop onto waxed paper covered cookie sheets by the tablespoon. Place in the fridge (or outside if wintertime) until they begin to harden. This will take an hour or so.

Now you can leave them as blob shapes, or form them into nice balls. Or penises. Or boobs. Or something more mature.

Why I hate anything that involves the word detox, without the additional words: drug test.

Detox Popsicles

I honestly have no idea why we fatass Americans seem to be so incredibly angered by the very concept of low-fat or healthy eating, but seem strangely attracted to the extremely scientifically *unverified* concepts behind detoxing. Or enemas, or homeopathic whatever.  On the one hand, I totally get it. We're pissed off at decades of prepackaged food, medication at the drop of a hat, and all the dumb, plastic Westernized quick-fixes and consumerist bullshit. Yeah, it sucks. But so do charlatans and snake-oil salesmen.

And that is precisely what these detox, enema, and homeopathic purveyors are made of. The fad of detox bullshit stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of how the human body works, and how the liver and kidneys function. (Hint: they are the body's "organic" detox systems, you fucking ignorant asshole.)

One comment from quackwatch.org really stuck with me all these years, it was something to the effect of,  "If the human body were truly incapable of ridding itself of harmful wastes, humans would have gone extinct a very long time ago."

http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/detox_overview.html

That's a nice, succinct read on why these things are bullshit. But honestly, these all stem from a misuse of the word toxin, and a fundamental belief in human stupidity. There's a large difference between a heroin or alcohol addict going through detox, and what you think you're doing by drinking strawberry lemon kale smoothies. One involves shaking uncontrollably, vomiting, and shitting yourself. The other involves massive amounts of self-delusion and gullibility.

Honestly, some of these detox ideas, like the fruit filled smoothies, or the diets that promote taking a few days or weeks to eat more fruits and veggies, drink more water, and limit sugar, dairy and sodium are not bad to do! My gripe is that they are promoted as ridding the body of toxins and shit. Yes, you're going to feel better. Yes it is good for you. But it is something that should be promoted as an essential part of a healthy lifestyle that we should be doing anyway, dammit. Not doing for a few days every once in a while to cure myriad ailments that probably wouldn't be occurring if you ate that way all the damn time.

 

Canascione mutha fucka!

New Recipe Development!

In my internet perusings on this chilling day of being bundled up indoors while the first snow of the season rages on around me, I stumbled upon an exciting Italian dish I've never heard of: canascione! I'm more familiar with Northern Italian cooking from the Venezia area, from whence my step-mother's family hailed.

Anyway, there are very few English recipes on the internet at this point, and some interesting variations, so I thought I'd customize it for my tastes. Traditionally this is served mainly at Easter, or Pasqua, and sometimes on Christmas (Natale). So, I might just make it on x-mas day. We'll see.

I'd like to preface this by saying that I sort of hate calzone, but have high hopes for this. I'd much rather have a pizza, but then I'm not super into sweets, or overly bready things. Give me my cheese, veg and meat undiluted, you heathens! Anyway, canascione is basically a calzone type of affair: a turnover made of egg dough, rolled into a circle, filled with eggs, sausage of various types (prosciutto being the one I'm most excited about), fancy sundry cheeses, or other things I'm less interested in, like greens, olives, and so forth. Now, this is just me talking about it, and planning out my strategy, so the actual tested recipe won't be posted till after Christmas (not that it matters, since no one reads this).

Egg dough: about 1 medium egg for each cup of flour, and 1-2 TB oil for each cup, a bit of salt.

Make dough, roll it out, fill with prosciutto, hams, cheeses (asiago, mahon, havarti, hmmm), try one with a scrambled egg mixture and sausage inside, one with just cheese and prosciutto, and maybe one with an experimental filling.

Bake