HIlarious things: v. Craigslist

A LARGE OVERWEIGHT ATTRACTIVE WOMAN--50ish

Hello!

I am dating to find you. I am complicated, but in a good way. I am emotional in an awareness way. I am intelligent until I am neck deep in my fear of snakes. I am annoyed by loud noises and loud talking inconsiderate people. My saracastic wit for the most part is welcomed at other's expense. I exercise tact and and political correctness with compassion and respect. I stop at stop signs. I don't file, I pile, however, I know where everything is. I watch mindless T.V. programs to decompress from my counselling profession. I have expensive toys, but they are not my identity, however they own me, particularly my dream car--BMW 325ci.

I was a human to a Beagle dog who now resides in doggie heaven. I am open to good garden variety sex when my partner finds or knows how to open the gate to my garden. I am a DeNiro and Pacino fan. Yes, they have aged, but then who hasn't? I am electronically intelligent and keep up with current technology. I am a homie only in the Canucks playoffs--no, I don't put a flag on my BMW. I have a gaggle of six women who are challenging close gal pals. I don't have kids, nor am I looking to mother yours. At best, I would hope to become a friend to yours.

My figure is in proportion, albeit a BBW, 5'7", green eyed, and my fashion consists of being figure flattering, it fits, and I am comfortable in it. No, I do not wear spandex. High heels are a dim memory of the past, but I can be persuaded back into the tormentors. Marilyn Monroe red lips and same colour nail and toenail polish. Always French perfume. I have educated words that tumble out of my mouth, with several overused, known to all expletives for necessary emphasis. I am not humourless, but the humor has to have a bit of satire or bite to it. I enjoy unpredictable movie plots, and please would they retire Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts.

What about you? OMG! Well, be within driving distance of my house and be female free. If you need clarification on what I mean about that, well, hmm...I will leave that with you to figure out. I think the first thing that would get my attention about you would be that you can handle me without handling me. I have large energies. I feel the highs the lows of life and all in between. In car terms, I consider myself a Ferrari---well tooled, needs regular maintenance otherwise becomes very expensive to fix unlike a Taurus car, although my sign, sigh, is Taurus.

I will also notice if you are groomed--albeit in your own style. Yes, I enjoy a metrosexual style, however, understated. Men's shoes get my attention. Sorry, runners, tennies, jesus beach shoes do not get thumbs up. Then, I would notice your voice and how you use your words. I would notice if your car is clean or if there are candy rappers and old MacDonald's bags inside. Yes, I frequent MacDonald's. MacDonald's is not the point. I would see how and what excites you about your life, your work, your interests, and your friends.

I am not at ease around a James Dean pouter, nor a Tony Robbins freakin' save the world kinda guy. A suit through the week and a weekend warrior can work. I am always up for a good debate on differences. Politics can evoke lively entertainment type discussions but become boring if either is looking for justice in that system. OK, how many more words .....it's late 2:23 a.m.....oh, yes, I am a night owl

Looking forward to inviting you into my life ....and being in yours! Respond with current pictures

Barbara